Midwest Memento

Watching a strangely cathartic movie, yet the catharsis seems slow-release. Slipping into layered simulacra of interactions with important figures in one's life nearly in-sync with the film, losing self and time to these conversations, debates, interactions, things that likely will never come to be, or if they do you somehow fumble your lines despite endless practice in the Mind Palace.

One must imagine oneself in a medium midwestern home from the early aughts, away from all of this modern manifestation of melancholy. But it's hard to relax with the muffled mumbling through the door and it's growing louder. You can't stay here.

Back to the unfiltered stream of hypothetical timelines it is, populated solely by Pseudo-Tulpas, they'll never be the people you want them to be, but they make for one-sided conversation I suppose. They always say what you wish they would say, ask questions they never really would. Mostly hoping anyone would find interest enough in you to connect with you more deeply, pry into your interior life.

Yet it rarely ever goes such a way outside the simulacra you've manufactured.

Start dissociating the days, all becoming a hazy blur, the bleeps and bloops on the devices being the only thing to truly exist within this irreality.

You're suddenly with her, a time and place that will not happen in this Layer. Nonetheless you spill your soul out to this faded memory. Hopefully they react well. You'll never know though.

Just another small flash before the next jump.

The two reptiles who share a name are watching me through a window, I don't know them anymore. Yet they won't allow themselves to be expunged from the psyche.

Most nights become like this, the rare few you find an anchor point but it's never consistent or enough. You constantly just slip back under the layers.

I'm afraid if I put it to words the world will break. Too much to say to many, none will ever hear.

You talk and think in loops, all disjointed, it's immensely tiresome. but exit is not an option.

All that's left is to continue on the current course, surely it'll be different the next loop.